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Firestorm of a star birth in local galaxy, NGC 604 (Credit: NASA)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson




Should we live as giant balls of gases burning up every bit of what we contain as we illuminate the nothingness with brilliance and beauty even if it's only for a brief moment in history and for no known purpose? Or should we live as a part of a bonded molecule, keeping the status quo and our pre-set orbit living out our existences secure in the knowledge that we contributed to this one effort? 


There's a whole lot of space in space. Sometimes I wonder if my couch will one day decide, "Screw this!" as all its atoms spin out into the ether to live independently of the concept of being a couch.

Some days...

Some days I feel like I live in a play or a book & other days I'm sure it's an action movie. But no matter the medium I'm totally ready to bribe the author(s). Donuts, bourbon or tranny hookers, I can make it happen. No bribe is too outlandish when The Story of My Life is at stake. I guess I'd better pull out the old typewriter or procure the virginal chocolate sacrifices...

Jane Austen + Fight Club = Regency excitement!

Have I ever told you about my collection of Mormom Cinema?


Jane Austen + Fight Club = Regency excitement!

How I Feel (or at least I'm trying to feel this way ;)

From: All Dogs Go To Heaven




Music: Al Kasha, T. J. Kuenster, Michael Lloyd, Charles Strouse


Lyrics: Al Kasha, Joel Hirschhorn, Ralph Burns

You Can't Keep a Good Dog Down

CHARLIE & (ITCHY):
Oh you can't keep a good dog down (No sir)
No you can't keep a good dog down
I've seen pain and hurt (That's right)
I've eaten dirt (That's true)
It's hard to buy but even I
Have been jilted by a skirt (He lies)
Look out, I'm still around
'Cause you can't keep a good dog down

ITCHY & (CHARLIE):
Ya can't keep a good dog down (No you can't)
No no no no, you can't keep a good dog down

CHARLIE:
I've been bought and sold

ITCHY:
He's been warm and cold

CHARLIE:
But ten to one I'll still be running
Rackets when I'm old

ITCHY:
Not in some cage in the city pound

BOTH:
'Cause you can't keep a good dog
Can't keep a good
I say you can't keep a good dog down

ITCHY:
In him's the luck of the Irish

CHARLIE:
The pride of the German

ITCHY:
And even a bit of Siam

CHARLIE:
Siam? You see the come of the English

ITCHY:
The charm of the Spanish

CHARLIE & (ITCHY):
A pedigree a certainly ain't what I am
So call me a mixed up pup
(You're a mixed up pup)
But the only way this pup knows is up!

ALL:
Ya can't keep a good dog down
Ya can't keep a good dog down

ITCHY:
He's been fat and thin

CHARLIE:
I've been out and in

ITCHY:
He tried a life of virtue

CHARLIE:
But prefer a life of sin

BOTH:
So tonight when we own this town
I've known hunger, I've known thirst
Lived the best and seen the worst
But the only way I know
To finish best to finish first

BOTH:
So watch out when you hear this sound
'Cause you can't keep a good dog, no ya
Can't keep a good, I say
You can't keep a good dog down

ALL:
You can't keep a good dog down

I Love The 80's on The Dark Farm

After watching The Best of I Love The 80's, it's occurred to me that my brother, sister and I could do our own version of I Love The 80's & 90's and it would just be one dark farm story after another.


Me talking to my brother: "Ok, here's a My Buddy Doll. You have 45 seconds to list all the evils of the world that the My Buddy Doll is responsible for according to Dad. Can you make it?


My brother: *takes a deep breath* "Yes, I think so."


Me: *with stop watch* "Annnnnd, GO!"

Gems from my mother

Mom emailed me:


"I don't know who is watching the Kagan Supreme Court hearings, but here is a priceless story that a friend sent me. Enjoy.

"At Kagan's hearing, Lindsey Graham prefaced a question about Miranda rights for the Detroit Xmas Day bomber with "Where were you on Christmas Day?" Kagan looked startled and then said, "I suppose like all Jews I was at a Chinese restaurant."  Graham scrambled to recover, having forgotten whom he was talking to when he raised the question."

{{HUGS}}

Mom"

The latest news about Elena Kagan's Supreme Court nomination.

Chinese food and a movie is my favorite way to spend Christmas Day, too. Mom likes to bake a chocolate cake for Jesus's birthday. Our family's most popular theological debate is over whether Jesus would have preferred chocolate or some other type of birthday cake. Other popular contenders include, strawberry, carrot, orange and honey nut. The decades long debate rages on...

"The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness." - Andre Malraux

BP's Pride Has Brought about Their Fall from Grace

I'm not surprised that BP isn't in Jackson, MS today at the MS House of Representatives House Special Committee's hearing on the oil spill in The Gulf. Early on the bigwigs over at BP decided to listen to a bunch of lawyers advocating the company CYA (Cover Your Mule) rather than listen to their Customer Service Dept who would have advocated immediate acceptance of responsibility and proactive information releasing.


Anyone who's ever been in a long term relationship knows that when you mess up big time with your significant other the route that will get you the lightest punishment is to tell them the worst up front and accept full responsibility for it, then as news gets better your S.O. will be more relieved and less upset with you. 


The other way to handle it is to go the BP route and I'm sure most people know how that one goes. When you first know there's a problem you try to handle before the other person ever finds out about it but the problem keeps growing. So you decide to gently break it to them, you tell them there's a little hiccup but you're on it and that there's no reason to worry. But the problem says, "Oh no, you don't get away that easy. You can't stop me now!" As the problem refuses to go away and instead keeps growing, you just tell lie after lie, half truth after half truth until finally BOOM! Everyone's covered in B.S. and pointing the finger squarely at you because you kept saying everything was under control until the very end.


If only the execs at BP had re-watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice from Disney's Fantasia, today would be different. 49 days later we wouldn't be marveling at BP's lies and subterfuge instead, we would all be focused on mitigating this horrible disaster.

My very own slice of Europe

Have you ever seen those tiny old European ladies who shuffle every where and mutter to themselves while they bring you food that they're inisisting on feed you? That is exactly what Smallorder looked like as she shuffle-plodded over to bring me a still crispy plate of french toast. So I said, "Good morning, Maman!" "Mmmmormmm..." is roughly what she muttered as she shuffle-plodded away back to the kitchen where she prefers to eat her breakfast alone with Jon Stewart or Frasier.

Huggies® Jeans Diapers Hit the Streets...For me to POOP on!

Have you seen this new Huggies diaper commercial? It's for their "limited edition" diaper with a jean print. In truth I think it's a cute commercial unless you listen to the lyrics. Here's a convenient transcript for you. (Cause I love you so much ;)

My diaper is full

Full of chic

When it's a number two

I look like number one

I pooh

in blue

The guy sounds like Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog. I kept waiting for him to say, "For me to POOP on!"

The world is quiet here

When we grab you by the ankles
Where our mark is to be made
You’ll soon be doing noble work
Although you won’t be paid
When we drive away in secret
You’ll be a volunteer
So don’t scream where we take you;
The world is quiet here.


The Volunteer Fire Dept's slogan/poem From A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket

"Who loves not woman, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long." attributed to Martin Luther
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Ice Cream, be honest. Is this a "Booty Call"?
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Hello Ice Cream, why are you calling me so late?
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Well thank you but you know I'm wonderful at 8pm too, not just after midnight...
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The girls are coming over this afternoon to game. They're in the process of learning how to play D&D (3rd or 3.5 edition, I don't remember which.) So this means that yours truly has been and is about to continue cleaning. Wish me luck! :D

For some reason I've had "Bad Romance" stuck in my head all day. I better go listen to it.
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Thinking and Doing are two totally separate things. Example: I thought about putting my laundry in the dryer but forgot to d
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(Here's the entire intended post. I guess 140ish characters was too long.) Edit: Thinking and Doing are two totally separate things. Example: I thought about putting my laundry in the dryer but forgot to do it. Nuts!

On the road, again....
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Another Gem from Mom

My mother sends me an email with the subject line: what do you think of this "necklace" and a link to this little gem:

What do you think?

My Thought Train went something like this, "Oh Lord! There's a snake around that woman's neck! No wait, she looks to calm/bored...what IS that? It kinda looks like a pine needle basket weaving bottom...As a necklace? WTH is it?"

Upon further reading it's a "necklace" made out of a loooooong zipper or several zippers. I think the concept may have merit for those looking to make accessories for their Steampunk outfits but that particular design they strapped onto the model just looks distracting/bizarre. A good accessory if you're trying to distract people from noticing what started as a Bad Hair Day but has now evolved into a Hairpocalypse atop your head, I would think.

Timing is Everything

Some days I really wonder about timing. 


There's the good timing like when I call a friend up and she say, "Oh hello! I was just thinking about you." To myself I think, "My timing's on the ball to day." 

Then there's the not good timing. I have some dear friends who only call me when I'm in the bathroom. I have one friend who I haven't heard from in months but the only time she ever calls me or returns my calls is right after I've closed the bathroom door. How does she have this kind of phenomenal timing?! I have two other friends who always seem to know when I just gotten in the shower because that is the precise moment they both have to text me urgent, time sensitive questions. They also have special ringtones on my phone so for several minutes during my intended long, relaxing shower I get to hear these ringtones go from unique/funny to obnoxious as the Texting Derby continues.


Under the premise of When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade I have considered making special ringtones for my habitual bathroom callers. Maybe I could make ringtones from bits of Bohemian Rhapsody or various woodland creatures chirping and hooting. At least then I can be entertained by what amounts to the strangest of harmless coincidences. ;)


Why do I even take my phone into the bathroom with me if I have no intention of answering it? I have slipped and fallen in the bathroom more times than I care to admit and have this fear that one day I'm going to fallen with extraordinary aplomb. Taking my phone is my, "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" insurance. The downside to my plan seems to be that I am forever fated to never get to enjoy peace and quiet in my Sanctuary of Solitude.

Brawl erupts over Easter candy

Brawl erupts over Easter candy

This reminds me of the good old days back when I was a kid and Mom and I would quietly sneak out of the house after my brother and sister were asleep to troll 1980's Hattiesburg for Easter candy in order to make Easter baskets before sunrise. 


Mom drove us to some craaaazy places in search of chocolate bunnies and marshmallow chicks after midnight on the Saturday before Easter. There were no 24hr Walmarts or late night grocery stores, just some seriously out of the way gas stations and I swear one year Mom found a trucker selling holiday candy out of his trailer by the old Krystal's on Hwy 49 at 3am, that was a free-for-all! 


Oh, the memories...

Rumor has it...

The other day a friend told me something that has been tickling my mind ever since. Since I was told by someone who isn't a Mormon I'm going to consider this a rumor until I hear otherwise. Here it is:


I was told that Mormons believe that when they die heaven involves ALL the Mormons going to purgatory to convert all the sinners until the very last soul is saved. And Hell is only occupied by souls who refuse to believe in God no matter what. Every one else is in purgatory according to this logic. Yep, since Hitler did not deny God, Hitler is in purgatory, too. And purgatory is filled with God believing sinners and Mormons doing their best to convert all those sinners.


Were you able to keep up with me through all of that? If this is true about a part of the Mormon belief system I am looking forward to Mormon purgatory. If the Mormons are right, purgatory is going to be 24/7 sing-alongs and punch & pie. And as most people know, I <3 punch & pie. Oh, and I used to be obsessed with that "Noah, he built them, he built them an arky, arky..." when I was little. Purgatory's going to be AWESOME if God lets the Mormons be in charge! LOL


If you are one of those poor souls who shudders at the thought of sing-alongs, I am happy to help you work through that possibly debilitating condition. We'll start with show tunes! MUHAHAHAHA...

Mom & her doc are both deaf in 1 ear and pushing 65 years. I couldn't tell if I was more of a translator or senior citizen referee. I have mad skilz!

We got to the doctor's office at 12:30p, saw Mom's doc from 2-3:30p and finished with her labs at 4:30p. By then end I didn't even care if we went to a museum.

We're on our way to Mobile, we certainly do get aroooound.

One of these days I'm going to figure out how to blog post from my phone without it getting cut off.

Hello and welcome to the 114th (?) installment of "Adventures Taking Mom to her Out-of-Town Medical Appointments!" We're on our way to Mob

Lord, please be with me and the pygmies today. I am not in a mood to tolerate mayhem & foolishness from jokers who ignore warnings.

Happy Passover!

What do you do with your issue of Paperbag?

Whenever I get the latest Paperbag issue in my email the first thing I do is scan through all the events for what is free/no cover. The second thing I do is then scan for what I'm actually willing to apply mascara to go attend. I wish my second list didn't stay shorter than my first list. 


Maybe I should start inviting guests to my Cave of Hermitage. Who likes board games?!

I kept making a "Ping!" sound as Tom explained how sperm use up their precious glucose when they reach body temp in anticipation of "Show Time!"

This morning's drive-time conversation was started with an informative discussion/lecture by Tom about dog balls.

Good Morning, Campers!

The Standoff from Tom

Text Messages From The Edge

I tested out posting blog updates from my phone while on a day trip to Louisiana.  

10:08 AM 

Today is brought to you by the 112th installment of "Adventures Taking Mom to Her Out-of-Town Medical Appointments" Expect several text messages from The Edge.

11:25 AM

I'm napping in the back of the car while Mom drives and Tom entertains with stories. Mom steers using a modified swerving technique. Tom is my Canary in The Mine, if he starts screaming I know I need to brace myself for the impact.

3:33 PM

Have you ever heard anyone say, "Those two couldn't find their way out of a paper bag with a map and written directions"?

3:37 PM

Now we're on our way back to Mississippi. I'm laying down in the back of the car again in order to keep the naked fear and horror off my face. Again.

One day of practice has not made me an expert at phone blogging but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. Thankfully, we made it back in more or less same pieces that we left in. Excuse me while I go off to find my happy place or at least somewhere without any swerving or honking.

Happy Burrow Day!

When Cassi started celebrating Burrow Day this morning by trying to burrow back under the covers of my freshly made bed, my brother Tom chuckled at her antics. "What's so funny, Tom?" I asked. "Cassi just got out of bed a little while ago and already she wants to get back in." He replied. "Cassi's celebrating Burrow Day in the traditional manner by staying under the covers, of course." I further explained.

In a skeptical tone Tom asked me to explain Burrow Day.

Burrow Day is the day when all the little baby dachshund puppies burrow into holes so all the little baby badgers can bait them out. All the baby dachshunds and all the baby badgers have a great time playing this game back and forth all day. And all the grown-up dachshunds stay under the covers in their homes in celebration of this great holiday. It's a big holiday in the dachshund world.

Tom still doesn't believe me and I don't understand his surprising religious intolerance. Oh well, to each their own.

And to all the little baby dachshund puppies and all the little baby badgers, Happy Burrow Day, you little rascals!

Here's a picture of Cassi during her Burrow Day celebration.

Will Tom Hanks & Stephen Colbert be starring in "No Dingos At the Mall?"

 &   

Tom Hanks needs to make a zany comedy with Stephen Colbert. I realize that no one likes Tom Hank's zany comedies except me, his wife Rita and 6 people from Ohio but it's been over a decade perhaps even two decades since the last one. It's time!

I miss the ridiculousness of such diamonds in the rough as "Volunteers," "Bosom Buddies," "Splash," "The Money Pit," and my favorite bit of over-the-top humor disguised as Res Ipsa Loquitur: "Joe Versus the Volcano."

I need a new movie in the spirit of "Some Like It Hot" and "A Flea in Her Ear." The market is over run with incipient dramas and intellectual comedies. I need some earnest silliness with a warm but lighthearted ending.

Perhaps what I'm really saying is I need to see handsome, intelligent, funny men wearing dresses and/or talking in silly voices running around possibly even slamming doors.

Please say that the days of those kind of Saturday matinee flicks aren't over. Pretty please with sprinkles?

Verna

For my siblings, start at 3:54 and watch for approx. 1 minute.

Or watch the entire hilarious episode. :D

The J'accuse part is great, too.

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